his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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