We won't sleep together?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
