I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
