just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
