Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
