I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
