Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
