On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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