Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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