And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
