I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
