She's JV to your varsity
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize