he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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