Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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