I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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