That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
