Jerry, you need to find god
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
