we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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