check it out our google latitudes are spooning
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
