In the future we'll all be gay
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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