I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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