You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
