I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
