"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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