He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
