If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There r osticjed everywhere
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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