I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
