Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
