Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
