does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize