Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
