this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
