my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
