yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
