Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
