Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Terrible idea I love it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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