We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
