I think I won the penis lottery.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize
