id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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