Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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