I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
