is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
