why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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