We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
