your room smells of hookers.
And success
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
