Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
