Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
