Your tits are I can't wait for
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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