I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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