i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
