The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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