I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am spending my child support on dildos
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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