Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
