Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
