Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need a beard to bite.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize