If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
