I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Terrible idea I love it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize