no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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