Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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