He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
