I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize