so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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