Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
