Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
