A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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