I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
